
As we got ready to head to Oahu, where we lived for over 10 years, I knew it would be emotionally challenging for me.
I knew I’d cry the moment I felt the warm tropical air on my face. (I did.)
I knew I’d feel a mixture of joy and sorrow seeing the Koolau mountains, Diamond Head, and Kailua Beach. (I did.)
The joy came in getting to be in a place I loved so much, see people who have been such a huge part of my life, and getting to step onto white sand and slip into turquoise water.
But the hardest part for me was something I didn’t expect: lessons on grace.
Of course, God knew how hard those lessons would be for me, so He tried to prepare me.
The day before we left, I was sitting in church when a word flashed in my mind.
“Receive.”
Words don’t just pop into my mind very often, so I decided it was worth paying attention to. I turned it over in my mind and felt like God was telling our upcoming trip was a time for me to practice receiving.
If you’ve read some of my other essays, like Love and a Laptop, you know that receiving is hard for me. I’m much more comfortable following rules, doing the “right” thing, and earning my way. So, sitting in church, I asked God to help me learn to receive well. Starting that moment, God gave me plenty of learning opportunities.
October is Pastor Appreciation Month, and that Sunday Erik received several cards from members of our church. As he opened one, I heard him gasp. He carried the card over to me and inside was a check. A very generous gift that covered the cost of our airline tickets and rental car.
In another card, other friends had given us a gift to cover the cost of a dinner out.
We were both speechless.
We immediately messaged our friends to say thanks, feeling words weren’t adequate, knowing we’d never be able to reciprocate their generosity.
The next lesson in grace came when a friend picked us up at the airport to take us to our hotel.
The Hawaiian way to greet loved ones on special occasions, like arriving on the islands, is to give them a lei, put it over their heads, and kiss them on the cheek. We consider ourselves “locals,” so we didn’t really expect that type of elaborate greeting. But our friend surprised us with one anyway. He gave us each a lei and a big hug, saying, “Welcome home! We’re so excited you guys are here!”
As we climbed into his car, our friend told us there was a child bottle of water for each of us in the car’s cupholders. He then pointed out a cooler bag behind his seat that he said he’d filled with food and drinks for us in case we were hungry. He drove us to our hotel, asked if we needed help carrying stuff to our room (we declined since it was after 10pm and he had to work early the next morning).
Next, we checked into our room, which had been gifted to us by other friends. Three nights in Waikiki! We’d never stayed in Waikiki before, and that was a gift enough, but they decided to go the extra mile and had upgraded us to a top floor suite.
What?!?
After our three days in “town,” we moved to the Windward side of the Island, to the town of Kailua. Again, friends had gifted us an amazing place to stay — two weeks in their rental property. Knowing the cost of living (and vacation rentals) in Hawaii, I had tried to find out what we could pay to help cover the cost of our lodging. Our friends refused payment.
So generous.
So much love.
So much grace.
Next, we had a photographer friend agree to take photos for our 20th anniversary, which is next year. She gave us an incredibly generous rate, even taking extra time to take us to two different island settings.
On top of all of that, we had another friend make us an amazing fall dinner — complete with cocktails — and had several friends treat us to dinner, drinks, and sweet treats. Even a waitress at a restaurant upgraded Erik’s order and gave me a free side of rice. Another friend gifted Erik a large (and expensive) set of theology books.
One night, I found myself overwhelmed by all the generosity that had been poured out for us. I sat outside, in the warm air, crying, while writing these words in my journal:
God, I’m used to earning. I’m ok having to pay my way and earn my keep. It makes sense to me. But this abundant generosity . . . I guess it just feels too good to be true.
And yet, it is true.
The generosity of people is blowing me away. So many people are pouring out what they have to bless us. It’s so much – it’s so overwhelming. I know that it’s a picture of our love — of your grace — but it’s hard for me to grasp. . . I’m not even earning a paycheck anymore. I can’t pay any of it back.
That’s when I realized our entire trip was God trying to get me to understand — what grace really is.
Grace isn’t something I can earn.
It’s not something I deserve.
It’s not something that I can pay back.
It’s a gift, pure and simple.
My job — and yours — is to receive it.
Today, the words of James 4:6, ring clearly true.
“But he gives us more grace.”








